So every so often I have one of those moments that connects me to a person I still miss a great deal. I am in a great spot in my life so when those moments come up they surprise me a little and comfort me a great deal.
I've been watching Friday Night Lights pretty much all day today. Yeah that TV show about football in Texas. I really like it. I find the characters engaging, the story incredibly well written and there's often a feel good/motivational coming together or game win like any old Sports Movie. And for the most part when they reach for an emotional moment they avoid sentimentality. And while it still glorifies football it does talk frankly about the nepotism within the system. But the reason I'm writing this note is about two particular characters and a scene that I just watched in Episode 8 Season 1.
Higgins is a quiet, hard-hitting, drunkard of a fullback. He lives with his brother Bill who has got character flaws of his own. In this episode we find out a lot more about them as Bill tries to do what he can to give his younger brother a chance at football scholarships. They get into a big argument after Higgins shrugs off all his brother is doing for him. Bill finally lets out that he's doing everything he can since he got stuck with Higgins, their parents simply deadbeats who have never really been in their lives. The fight leads to a wrestling match and Higgins simply thinks its about how Bill wishes he had been as good a football player as him. Bill shouts something like, "I'm not, but it kills me to see how much potential you have and watch you pissing it away." (Not the exact line of course).
In another part of the storyline Higgins' friend punches him in the face after finding out Higgins has been sleeping with his girlfriend.
Higgins returns home and the camera shows the mess from their previous fight; broken glass, food ground into the floor. There's still the tension in the air between them, but when Bill turns around and sees Higgins face he says, "Who did this to you?" Upset in that protective way. Higgins admits it's his friend. Bill simply hands him the bag of frozen peas that shows up in a scene earlier in the episode that they argued about. Then Bill sits down next to him at the counter and cuts the grilled cheese sandwich he's made for himself in half, pushing one half toward his brother.
And I lose my shit. Bawling like a little girl. I can't help it. It's a sweet scene of a bond between brothers even through all the bullshit they give each other. How they are the only people each one really has. And how while the younger doesn't get it, the older brother does do everything in his limited power to care for him.
It makes me miss my brother. Makes me miss those bonding moments that will never happen. This sort of thing doesn't affect me very often any more, hell it's been some 16 years now, but every now and then I do have these moments of longing, and truthfully they are comforting. Makes me realize, he's still there. He's still a part of who I am, that I get to connect with him even if only in spirit.
"Open Eyes! Full Hearts! Can't Lose!"
Edit: Higgins should read Riggins
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